People come and go in your life. Some for only a short while and others for many years. Regardless, they can have a significant impact on your life. Nonetheless, in the end, you’re left with just yourself. Without a good sense of who you are, the loss of someone can be catastrophic. I’ve been fortunate to have many wonderful people in my life, many who remain and some lost…
It’s not until you’ve had a brush with love and loss that you begin to identify with other artists’ reflection of the illusive emotion called love. I’ve not had many, but have certainly had a few brushes of my own. Today I wanted to share a short… well, I’m not sure what to call it; a short narrative poem I suppose, that I wrote some time ago when reminded of feelings of loss; I was recently reminded of these same feelings…
I struggled with whether or not to post this, but before I started writing, my goal was to share my thoughts and adventures as well as use this as a forum of self expression; a catharsis. Today, I use it for the latter.
Each tear I watch run down your face falls like a dagger, cutting my heart.
My heart aches and my soul is crying,
yet my body stands motionless,
as if unaffected.
As you scream, cry and yell, I feel as if the situation is not real;
its a reality show begging me to turn the channel,
yet leaving me helplessly compelled.
Things are thrown during the explosion;
it’s as if years of emotion, hanging in the clouds, reaching for the heavens,
suddenly froze, crashing to the ground like hail preceding a tornado…
The worst is yet to come.
I feel helpless, watching a battle play out between my heart and my mind,
while you stand in the crossfire.
The target is not you, but me;
Two of the same team at odds.
All the while, my physical body appears emotionless and inert.
Your pain is so deep it reaches into my heart,
gashing out a chunk.
You force me out of your house and heart,
leaving behind only echoes.
As I walk down the steps,
the show is over,
and I’m sucked back into reality.
The realization of the passing events hits me,
like the peripheral winds of a tornado.
Suddenly, there is a torrential downpour of tears,
followed by uncontrollable cries,
as if I’m a stranded calf beaconing for help.
My SOS goes unanswered;
I’m lost physically and emotionally,
not knowing where to turn.
I have an urge to return to the direction from which I came,
but I wander the streets aimlessly.
I turn my head from passer-byers;
a sad attempt to hide my sobs.
Continuing to shed enough tears to fill the Pacific,
my wandering leads me to my car.
It seems like to only logical place,
quiet, secluded, and as cold as the sadness in my heart.
In attempts to fill the growing emptiness,
I turn to the only one that can relate,
to the self-inflicted hardship I’m suffering.
It’s an anthem for the moment.
The lyrics ring through my core,
the beats shake my heart.
Over and over, I play the song,
as if I’m in a trance,
slowly rocking myself.
I remain until I am an no longer rocking myself,
but shivering from the cold.
I am dehydrated;
not a tear remains to be shed.
The thought of sleeping in my car runs through my head;
another barrage of self-inflicted pain,
as punishment for my actions.
I return to my room and lay in my bed,
still convulsing from the storm that just ripped through my life.
Things will never be the same,
and it will take much time to rebuild.
Left with only memories of you at my side;
tonight, I sleep alone…